Conversation of A1 and B1

A1 : Why did you come here?

B1 : My mind is shattered, that's why I started this journey. I am telling you this which is a truth but its not true that my mind is shattered for the first time. May be, I cannot stand my mind getting shattered these many times..
I can not stand it anymore..So I started this journey.Person who shattered my mind is not the same, the weapon is not the same, the depth of the wounds is not the same.
But the mind is the same, and the pain is the same.
At all the times, I am trying to solve the same mathematical equation of life. Who's right, Who's wrong. The person who seems to be wrong has to apologize to the person who seems to be right.
The person who seems right has to accept the apology with a mixed reactions on face..half with indifference and half with sense of pride that he proved to be right. I am bored with this.

I have played the role of Son to someone, nephew to someone, student to someone, lover to someone, husband to someone, son-in-law to someone, I have changed the masks with all these roles. And my mind is shattered on the way. All the time I heard this statement from others 'Your expectations are intangible'. Why everyone says this? And why should I believe its true because everyone says it.

I know how to think, I also have a mind. But people don't want to realize this. If I do not believe in the opinions, the rules and the principles..those have been followed for ages and stamped as correct, Why should I follow them? I grew up, became on my own.

Found a life partner for me whom I felt I could be one in all the ways and walks of life , but heard the same words as others from my own life-partner. Whats left more? My head started hammering and so I started. Now I feel little peace but I still have not found the answer.

And now I have started feeling that if this is what is life, then is it worth living this life?

A1 did not say anything for a while.

Then after a long pause A1 spoke silently.....

A1 : I know that, its expected that I should tell you my opinion about whatever you said just now.
But unfortunately I have a habit of speaking only when I feel like. But..... you are not my relative nor anyone near-dear to me. And you have met me in my favorite Monsoon time. That's why let me speak up.

I do not know you, I do not know your whereabouts. I did not know you until past two hours. And I do not think it would make any difference had I known you before.
Whatever you said, it is true from your own perspective. Telling you that you are right is like an eagle giving a "Character certificate" to a whale.
You talked about relationships. You talked straight from your heart. You talked with intensity. The person who gets deeply involved in any relation is always true to his heart. The one who falls in love thinks that, no one but only he realized what true love is.

Any mother in this world feels no other mother has felt the love in her heart as she has felt while she hugs her child.
Now, whats the truth?
What I have realized and what's accepted by everyone is that 'eveyone is true'.
What people don't want to believe is that 'everyone is at the same level'.
To compare one human feeling with the other is like comparing 'Mango is more sweeter or the Rabbit is more faster'.Now if you want me to speak about the disappointments of the human relations then..let me tell you ...

Any relation is like a fruit. As you have to give time for the fruit to ripe, in the same way, you have to give time for a relation to establish, to become stable and to become profound.
If you bite the fruit before its fully ripen, then you will taste it bitter, sour and unpleasant.But what experience you mentioned have not arisen because of biting the fruit before the relation has established. It has arisen because of another origin.
You have to taste the fruit of an established relation within a special limit. In this world, There's no feeling which will last forever. If the fruit is too ripened, it decays and you still take a bite..you will feel dizzy and irritated with the its over-ripen smell.

You are taking a bite of such fruit that's why you are experiencing what you said.This applies to not only to the relations a person has, but it applies to a relation he has with his own self. A relation with your own self is also like a fruit. The time to taste the fruit is over, it becomes a decayed relationship with your own self too.
This fact is so unbearable, that to sustain this fact, to digest this fact, to cope with this fact people do anything to escape..by taking help of anything from liquor, intoxication to devoting their life for welfare of others or to God, by trying inventions, searching....

soul searching.................

Unfortunately the count of people who are trying this, who are adjusting with life in the above manner, who are coping with the facts is increasing day by day. Overlooking the real fact and compromising with life.

Its a true statement that, without relations any person is incomplete, but one small sentence to add to this statement is " every relation has expiry date. "

Only one relation has no expiry date. That is the one with yourself. If you know when to break this relation then you will not feel any disappointment with the other broken relationships.
You will not be shattered.....


(This text is not written by me. The original text was in Marathi, I have just made an effort to translate it)

Phool, bat and the Donkey

Looking back in time, browsing through the memories of the golden period of life called as childhood.

Someone has rightly said, "Childhood is an unforgettable trip, why does God put the best of the life right at the begining?"

I was around the age of 8 that time..and Nandu my brother and partner in crime was about the age of 7.

I was playing phool-bat with Nandu. Now, I know that its called Badminton. But at that time the name of the game was 'phool-bat'. We ourselves named it so.
One person with a bat(Racket as its called in reality) should throw the phool(Shuttle as its called in reality) with the help of the bat to other person and the other person should do the same. Throw it back to the first person. And one should not let the phool fall on the ground. The person who will let the phool dropped on the ground is to be considered as Donkey.

The Donkey was such a unwanted designation at that time. I remember I always took the maximum care that I do not become donkey in any game. And when Nandu became a donkey I never let a single change to laugh and clap and tease him.
One day I remember, it so happened that my cousin had come to stay with us, and in the afternoon time we were playing as shouting at the top of our voices. As it was a Sunday afternoon, my mom could not take a nap because of the noise we were making. She finally got so irritated that she came and gave us a friendly warning 'Everyone shut your mouth, From Now.. The first person who will talk will be a Donkey' Me, my cousin and Nandu suddenly became so quiet. It was not a question of talking, it was a question of becoming a donkey. Till 4pm nobody spoke.

It was a pin-drop silence.
Suddenly a voice, 'What happened to you all?' Mom had just woken up and almost surprised to hear no voice. Then she remembered, we were looking straight to her only to burst in laughter. And she also shared a good laugh with us.

I suddenly had this flashback in my head and realized how embarrassing it is to become a donkey in front of others. I did not want to become a Donkey by dropping the phool on the ground.
Everything was same, the small lawn where we played was same. Nandu was same. and the phool-bat was same too. But today there was a spectator to our game although he did not seem to be bothered to even look at our game. He was our neighbor's guest. He looked like a grandfather. He was sitting on the chair in the lawn reading a newspaper. We started our game, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.. tick was played by me and tock was played by Nandu.
And Nandu dropped the phool, 'Yyyye , Donkey! Donkey! Donkey!!' I shouted. The old man suddenly looked up with a surprise. He looked here and there and with a comfortable smile set back his eyes in the newspaper.

Nandu became little cautious plotting a revenge against me to make me Donkey at least once. He shot the phool so high in air..and so near to him. I could see it in the air for sometime, suddenly realized that I have to shot it back otherwise it will drop in the ground and then I will get added in the Donkey family. I ran further and with all my energy shot the phool coming to the ground. It just went up in the air and oh no! it just hit on the head of the old man.
My heart shook but my face lit with laughter. This was more embarrassing than becoming a Donkey. Because we thought now the old man will get so angry that he will not only call me Donkey, but all the animals will be included in my family. The phool hit his head and trembled down from his head in the newspaper. He looked at us with a uncomfortable smile. We could not stop bursting into laughter but with all the control just stood there waiting for the grandfather to take some action.

He did not say anything, my brother went to him and took the phool from him and said 'sorry Aajoba' (sorry Grandfather)
I told my brother with a victory on face that 'lets stop now, its good to have one Donkey a day'. He immediately shouted 'no no, had grandfather not being there, you would become the second donkey, lets continue. we will play little away from him' We started playing again. tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.. and it went on and on, me not giving up and my brother not giving up to make me a Donkey sister.

And there the phool was, falling and hitting the head of grandfather again. same way..
and then..
we ran with a jet-speed inside the house as if some tiger has been chasing us,putting all our weapons down in the battle field only. the phool and the bat..
we went inside the house and all the laughter we had controlled so far burst. don't know how much time we kept laughing and then when we stopped..we looked at each other's faces and laughed again and again..till stomach ached.

We did not come out of the house that day.. and so did grandfather.

Sandhya Mayangum Neram

I was introduced briefly to a Malayalam song by a mallu female whom I met during my stay in US.
The song was melodious and it had this beautiful sentence “Sandhya mayangum neram”
It means "The evening time is intoxicating”

I could quickly relate it to a Marathi song “Tinhi Saanja sakhe milalya”

So I asked her, we call evening time as “Tin-Saanja”. May be it means 3 evenings. I tried to understand why its 3 evenings and not one evening. In Indian mythology, the world is considered not as one but as 3 different worlds. So 3 evenings are one for each of these 3 worlds.

I tried to explain this to her and to my surprise she said, “oh, we also have a word named ‘Tri-Sandhya” in Malayalam.
I felt what a great resemblance of these words the two languages are having. And yet there will be a lot of words expressed differently and will have different meanings in these languages.

Someone has said, the more languages you know the better you can think..because certain language do not give you the expression you want..but those expressions are defined in other languages..

A person wouldn't know how to express certain thing better had he known the language in which its most suitably defined. There are a lot of definitions which you will find in Marathi that you will not find in any other language..and this applies to any other language too.

Language is a mind of large group of people..a common expression and unlike a brush which needs a paint on canvas to create a painting... language itself is a paint..the more you know the more you can think..the more you can improve your thinking..because you will not be able to think in just one language.

Other language will give you the freedom to think...and vice versa. That’s why more you know about a lot of languages, the more versatile you become. Sometimes you search for a word that matches your thoughts, your expressions..you don't find it in the language you know..but had you known many languages , you would know exactly how to express it.

Disparity

Yesterday I had been to that ice skiing place. Generally I do not feel like visiting any place if my mind is not really ready for it. I do not feel that I can enjoy otherwise. And yesterday also, my mind was not present whenI had been there..so initially I tried to be enthusiastic but later at the end of the day I became bored.

Here, although US is not so great country I know, and there are far better, richer lands than US in the world..There are lot of things that I can feel at every moment in US...that are so rare in India.. My mind works all the time..when I go outside..and everything I see, although its nothing great..make my mind think..and relate and compare it to situations in India. Here, people live pretty well without doing much hard work.

When I had landed here on the very first day itself..I had booked a cab from airport and I wondered looking at the cab-driver, he almost looked like a manager of some company, so well dressed. And looking back..can I compare his life style with the taxi-drivers in India.? no way.. Here, the people do not have such work categories as defined in india.. In India, if anyone is well earning at a good position in some xyz company...people are so happy to talk and to relate..but if one is sweeping floors on road..no one will look at them..the person who sweeps the floor also does work and the person who sits on chair in some company and reads and signs certain documents, also does work. both types of activities are WORK.

But this disparity..people's perception towards it..and its been categorised as important, less important,highly sought after and not sought after at all..why its so strongly followed in India..The money that will be paid to a sweeper will be 100 times lesser than the one thats paid to manager. But I guess in this country...the difference although it is there in other countries is not so much..so much..

A person who sweeps the floors is also be paid handsome amount... there's not much difference.. So people live a good life in spite of doing any type of work. But in India ...people do so much...work so hard...they have to fight for the survival.They work ten times as much as these people and are paid ten times as less as these people. yes..there are several things..why its that way..

Population and amount of resources is one big thing..mentality of people..lots and lots of factors.. But aren't those people who deserve a good life..they do not really get that.. When I look out in general..while I go anywhere in New York.... I strongly keep feeling this..

Ofcourse I am not thinking with some socialist brain or something..but these thoughts do generally keep coming to my mind.. Here people's upbringing is so different ..people out here..are sluggish..they enjoy luxuries and benefits at every level.There are so many activities and options available to them...and they have choices..state benefits.

Back in India..people do not have so many options..choices..they have to fight every day for bread and butter..and nothing more than that..can come to a mind of an average indian..except fulfilling his family needs..and his own bread-butter.

The tunnel

Just want to say few things..
.........................
Working for long..walking on the empty road..at night..
sitting in the train looking out of the window in the dakrness..
trying to match the pace of the train speed with the speed of my thoughts in brain..
the noise..
the movement..of the train and the stability of person sitting inside it..
and still going along with it..

it feels like donno going where..through the dark tunnels..
making noise..running with speed..and sitting idle..
on the seat looking through the glass of the window..
looking at the darkness of the tunnel..thinking..
when the train stops..at the destination..is it really the destination?
but the feet move ..towards the door to exit..
stepping out so machinically like a robot..
without a question..

Dear God

Dear God..

Today evening while walking towards home, I walked past the chicken shop. I always do. Because that is the route I always talk to go home.
But not anymore.
I will change my route from tomorrow.
There's another road, that I can take to go home without crossing that chicken shop.

The reason I cannot cross the chicken shop anymore is that I can no longer bear the death-screams of those poor birds.
Neither I have control over feeling bad about those screams of the birds being slaughtered mercilessly, nor I have control over not letting them get killed.

"Poor birds! (with an intentional grin) No way! ..It’s a part of food chain..and if someone does
not regulate chicken's count by eating them, one day it will play a havoc." My brother tried to convince me over the dinner table. Being a non-chicken eater, he himself was still rational and was supporting the fact that chickens are ought to be eaten.

True, there's a food chain. And it’s a universal fact.

Why did you make it so? Why did you make so called food chain, where one feeds on other by merciless killing.

When I see the innocent animals being slaughtered by humans. I always have this question “
Who gave them the right to do so?”

Why did you design the food chain like that.

Lets say there are distinct 5 species ((A, B, C,D,E) in this world (for an example. I am sure, there are countless species, but this is just for an example) Then there should have been 5 distinct food types in this world (A1, A2, A3, A4, A5) all in abundant form. You could have assigned a food of type A1 to A , B1 to B, C1 to C and so on.

Nobody eats nobody else’s food.
Nobody kills nobody.
Nobody rules nobody.
Everyone is content with their food and ultimately content with their life.

Life could have been simple then..

Why did you not design it this way?

Why did you let someone kill someone else?
Why did you create scarcity that someone is bound to kill someone else for survival?
And thereby maintain your so called ‘food chain’.


You sure could have had better ways to design the food chain. But you didn’t.
Don’t give me the crap..that because there’s misery in the world, people remember God.

At least I did not remember you in a good way, today evening while I walked past the chicken shop.